On-Witze

In the 1960s, a man living in the Soviet Union walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "Beer used to be 50 kopecks, but we had to add another 50 kopecks to pay for the Communist Party’s five-year economic plan. So it’s one ruble now. Everybody must pay for the plan."

The man thinks for a moment and says, "Alright, I’ll have one beer, please."

He puts down a ruble on the counter. The bartender takes the ruble and gives back 50 kopecks.

The man says with a confused smile, "I thought you said everybody pays for the economic plan."

The bartender replies, "Yes, comrade — but the problem is, we have no beer."

People who are bad in English go me on the cookie.

Bro, what do you call a lesbian on fire?

What?

LGBBQ.

Rod Stewart zu Tork Poettschke: "Welchen Schokoriegel haben sich die 'Doors' damals bei Windstärke 9 von ihrem Taschengeld gekauft?"

Poettschke: "Wahrscheinlich 'Raiders on the storm'!"

Deine Mudda klatscht Käsescheiben an die Wand und singt dabei: "Cheddar on the wall!"

Ein kleines deutsch-englisches Gedicht:

Ich fahre on the sea, mein Freund and me. We want fischen gehen, weil bad is Rasenmähen. Plötzlich ich falle from the ship, und my Freund says: RIP.

Warum nimmt Erik immer eine Leiter mit in die Bar?

Weil er gehört hat, die Drinks sind "on the house"! 🍹

Ich habe einen Fuchs dabei beobachtet, wie er an meinen Fenstern herumgeschaut und eine kaputte Stelle entdeckt hat.

Firefox explored an error on Windows...

"Do you come from Germany?"

"See I so out?"

"You hear you so on..."

34 Menschen auf 'nem Pferd, ist daran was verkehrt?

35 Humans on a horse, is there something worse?

36 hommes a une chaval, est-ce que quelque chose mal?

I finally discovered what is wrong with my brain.

On the left side is nothing right and on the right side is nothing left.

I have a joke on timetravel, but you guys didn‘t like it, so I wanted to post a joke on dark matter, but you won‘t be able to see it. Unfortunately, my joke on black hole really sucks. I‘d also have a joke on quantum physics, but you wouldn‘t get it. So finally, I could offer a joke on Edison, but it is copied.

Die in China bauen ja gute Flugzeuge, aber der Controller ist immer noch der beste Flieger.

Lieblingslied eines Hirntoten?

My Heart Will Go On.

Two Italian men get on a bus...

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Wenn jemand hier online kommt mit solchen Namen:

- Max Müller - Lisa Huber - Lena Meier - .......

ist es klar, WER dahintersteckt ;)

Notice on a shoe repair shop: "I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I set the Gardener on fire, he splattered his Blood.

In Germany we don't say "Bye, I have to go now!" No, we klatschen se hands on se Oberschenkel and say "So!"

And I think that's beautiful.

Was singen Pensionierte an Weihnachten?

Last Christmas, I gave you my dog, but the very next day I shit on your head.