KanyeEast

What do Lindsay Clancy and Jane Doe have in common?

Neither could walk after what they did.

What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a train tunnel?

A train tunnel doesn’t get any wider when you rail it.

What's the difference between Jane Doe and a field?

A field gets harvested in the fall, while Jane Doe gets plowed.

What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?

A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.

Cornell has announced that they will be banning frat parties in the wake of the "Cornell 7" case. With this new policy, students will be forced to conduct all ketamine-fueled orgies in their dorms, which may limit these activities to just 6 men each.

Students across America have been spotted playing a parody of the horror game Five Nights at Freddy’s called “7 Hours at Chi Phi”.

Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

What do Jane Doe and a cheap discount store have in common?

When the shop's open late, inventory management shuts down, but we all know there's probably some sausages in there.

New degree plans announced by Cornell University:

- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.

- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.

- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).

What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?

They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.

I hear scientists have been experimenting with a new diet at Cornell University: just straight meat for 7 hours a night, all night long, with a side of alcohol to keep the shop open.

I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.

What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?

You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.