Of-Witze

I'd like to apologize to the tranwoman I migendered yeterday. The "ᅠᅠᅠ"key broke off my keyboard, cauing a "he" intead of a " he" by mitake. I know that' not an excue, and I'm orry for migendering him.

I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!

It's called "The Bad Batch File!"

Knock, knock. Who is there? Nonna. Nonna who? None of your business! Hahah, so funny.

Ein Junge spielt League of Legends in seinem Zimmer. Plötzlich kommt seine Mutter herein und sagt: "Schatz, komm, mein neuer Freund ist da!"

Ohne den Blick vom Bildschirm abzuwenden, sagt der Junge: "Ich bin mitten im Spiel; sag ihm, er soll zu mir kommen!"

Eine Minute später kommt der Freund der Mutter herein und sagt: "Hey, Champ! Wie geht's?"

Der Junge ignoriert ihn.

"Magst du den Namen 'Champ' etwa nicht? Macht nichts. Wie wär's mit BlueDragon72?"

Der Junge fährt hoch, dreht sich um und sagt: "BlueDragon72? Den Namen habe ich nicht mehr benutzt, seit ich mit zehn Jahren Call of Duty gespielt habe."

Da sagt der Freund: "Stimmt, Alter. Ich hab's dir doch gesagt, dass ich deine Mutter f*cken werde."

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie Up, he cannot give it to you, as he will never give you Up. However, in doing so, he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

English: German, how do you call this? *shows 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 flag*

German: Hmm... that's the Land of the Schotten... so I'll call it Schottland!

English: Okay. How do you call this? *shows 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 flag*

German: Well, that's the land of the English guys, so I will call it England!

English: Great! So how do you call this? *shows 🇫🇷 flag* Let me guess. Frankland? Because it's the land of the France guys, right?

German: Well, it's not a land, it's a Reich! So it's Frankreich!

English: *confused* Okay...? But how do you call this? *shows 🇮🇹 flag* Italiland?

German: No, it's—

English: Ahhh, I got it. Italireich!

German: No. It's...

English: WHAT? WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!!?

German: It's... Italien.

English: *gets Crashout*

We are the kings of the web.

We do not forgive, and we do not forget.

Expect us.

[A.d.V.: Das wird wahrscheinlich bei sehr wenigen ankommen, aber heute mal ein unbearbeitetes Zitat, was ich ziemlich pointiert finde.]

The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass. The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.

~Oscar Wilde (The picture of Dorian Gray)

"Why was 6 afraid of 7?"

"Because 7 8 (ate) 9."

"And why was 10 afraid?"

"Because it was in the middle of 9/11."

Deine Mudda ist so dumm, sie spielt Call of Duty mit einem Lenkrad!

Wenn Chuck Norris Clash of Clans spielt, ist es im Nachtdorf Tag.

Floppy disks are like Jesus: they died to become the icon of saving.

Berlin soll jetzt ein Fest zu Ehren des Aktenordners bekommen.

Geplanter Titel: "Festival of Leitz".

I Want to make some Jokes about unemployed People, but non of them Works.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

Why was the 10 scared?

Because he's in the middle of 9/11.

Two Italian men get on a bus...

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

What do ants and British people have in common?

1. They like to queue.

2. They like crumbly stuff.

3. They have a weird kind of relationship to their queen.

Wie nennt man die Sicherheitsleute bei Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

Ein paar Witze für Game-of-Thrones-Fans:

Warum läuft in den USA alles schief? Sie sind nördlich der Mauer.

Was war Rickons Lieblingsband? One Direction. Und seine Lieblingssendung? Arrow.

Endlich! Es gibt ein Diner an der schwarzen Festung: "You know muffin, Jon Snow!"

Warum ist niemand in Winterfell Alzheimergefährdet? "The North remembers."

How to win the Game of Thrones? It Varys!

Was passiert, wenn man Harry Potter und GoT-Antagonisten kreuzt? Coldemort!