Forest

Forest-Witze

Ruhe

    • Rest In Peace Humphrey, A tribute.

    Bearded-Dragon Care 1540 Abonnenten

    Back in October Humphrey passed away, and I only just finished making this in memory of her. It was incredibly difficult to do, seeing her videos from the past made it very hard for me to edit and put together, so I did little bits every few days. I really miss her, and it was 5 years ago today that I bought her from the pet store, so that hurts even more. I hope you guys "like" what I've put together for her, and mainly for me to see how much we did together. Thank you for watching, and if you've read this, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

  • 9

    • Fridays for Future

    • Gretchen hat Geburtstag. Die Mutter schenkt ihr einen großen, dicken Tageskalenderblock, der Vater eine Spardose.

    Gretchen setzt sich hin, reißt von jedem Monat vier bis fünf Blätter aus dem Block und stopft sie in die Dose.

    Die Eltern entsetzt: "Was machst Du denn da?"

    Antwortet Greta: "Fridays for Future."

  • 2

    • Prinzessin

    • Just keep me coming to ya, I wanna be, I could be a little princess with da hoodie, Bitch!

    I am going to do nice things in the colorful rainbow to sing along with my unicorn.

    You are good, I am bad... it’s impossible to say that.

    Ayayayay let’s go to a party 🎉

    Nothing can make me happy. I should make my slap pie

    For you, and me too, sayayayay!!

  • 0
    • Forest-Memes

    Corona Virus

    • Reporter: "Mr. President, what are you going to do next against the Corona-Virus?"

    Trump: "We are launching DEFCON 3."

    Reporter: "What does this mean for the United States, Mr. President?"

    Trump: "The ventilators are equipped with a coin slot."

  • 0

    • Aldi

    • Deine Mutta ist so dumm, sie holt sich bei Aldi einen Einkaufswagen und spielt zu Hause im Keller Need for Speed.

    Geiler Witz, dann lasst ein Like da :) Und nicht ernst nehmen!

  • 0

    • Mann

    • In the 1960s, a man living in the Soviet Union walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

    The bartender replies, "Beer used to be 50 kopecks, but we had to add another 50 kopecks to pay for the Communist Party’s five-year economic plan. So it’s one ruble now. Everybody must pay for the plan."

    The man thinks for a moment and says, "Alright, I’ll have one beer, please."

    He puts down a ruble on the counter. The bartender takes the ruble and gives back 50 kopecks.

    The man says with a confused smile, "I thought you said everybody pays for the economic plan."

    The bartender replies, "Yes, comrade — but the problem is, we have no beer."

  • 0

    • Toilet

    • Bill Gates passes the prototype of a "mind-reading-toilet" to Donald Trump so he can rule America without circumstances. Trump examines the latest thing and pisses. The "mind-read-loo" automatically twitters: "I piss on China!". Trump is excited and farts: The "mind-read-loo" sends automatically e-mails to build a great wall and sends Mexico instantly the bills. He shits and a computer-generated voice says: "Mr. President, you entered the password "THE_GREATEST_BULLSHIT_EVER!" to N.O.R.A.D. The nuclear intercontinental ballistic missiles start in 3...2...1...launch.... Thank you for using the "mind-read-loo" and have a nice day.

  • 0

    • Homeschooling

    • "Homeschooling" is like sex. The first time you try you are nervous, but it's still the best thing you've ever tried.

    The more you do it, the better it gets every time. As you do it with more people, you get to know new techniques. After a time, you'll learn to enjoy it.

    So if you love sex, you will like "Homeschooling".

    Please give me a like. I hope you had a little bit fun while reading this. Thanks for enjoying it! 😍

  • 0

    • Sprichwort

    • German speakingwords in english #2: (deutsche Sprichwörter auf englisch #2:)

    You can me crosswise. (Du kannst mich kreuzweise.)

    Who digs anotherone a hole, will fall himself in. (Wer anderen eine Grube gräbt, fällt selbst hinein.)

    You softegg. (Du Weichei.)

    Life is no sugarlicking. (Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken.)

    Nothing for ungood. (Nichts für ungut.)

    Don‘t play the offended liversausage. (Spiel nicht die beleidigte Leberwurst.)

    You go me on the cookie. (Du gehst mir auf den Keks.)

    Do you want to sell me for stupid? (Willst du mich für dumm verkaufen?)

    Go where the pepper grows. (Geh wohin der Pfeffer wächst.)

    I shame me in ground and floor. (Ich schäme mich in Grund und Boden.)

    Don’t go me on the nerves. (Geh mir nicht auf die Nerven.)

    That makes me so quickly nobody after. (Das macht mir so schnell keiner nach.)

    You go me on the alarmclock. (Du gehst mir auf den Wecker.)

    A link to the first piece is in the comments. (Ein Link zum ersten Teil ist in den Kommentaren.)

    Film

    • Other names for the Harry Potter movies:

    Harry Potter and the time I thought it was Snape.

    Harry Potter and the time I thought it was Draco.

    Harry Potter and the time I thought it was Sirius.

    Harry Potter and the time I thought it was Karkarof.

    Harry Potter and the time everyone knew it was Umbridge.

    Harry Potter and the time it was actually Draco.

    Harry Potter and the time it was Dumbledore all along.

  • 0

    • Trump

    • Trump besucht Angela Merkel. Sie fragt ihn: "Wie kann ich wieder Bundeskanzlerin werden?"

    Trump klebt sich zum Spaß einen Oberlippenbart an und sagt: "Lass mich vor dem Bundestag reden!

    I talk for you! Make Germany great again!" Merkel: "Gute Idee. Die glauben das!"

  • 1

    • Belgien

    • Ich gehe zur Schule, aber Senf in Klo und dann falle ich aus Fenster und dann kann nicht Arbeit gehen, Scheiße, weil ich gehe jede Morgen Arbeit.

    Dann kam Fußball for meins fuß und dann schieße ich und lol Tor und btw. Belgien freut sich sehr.

  • 5