Toe-Witze

Deine Mutter singt beim All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet "Born to Be Wild!"

In the 1960s, a man living in the Soviet Union walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "Beer used to be 50 kopecks, but we had to add another 50 kopecks to pay for the Communist Party’s five-year economic plan. So it’s one ruble now. Everybody must pay for the plan."

The man thinks for a moment and says, "Alright, I’ll have one beer, please."

He puts down a ruble on the counter. The bartender takes the ruble and gives back 50 kopecks.

The man says with a confused smile, "I thought you said everybody pays for the economic plan."

The bartender replies, "Yes, comrade — but the problem is, we have no beer."

Reporter: “Mr. President, the people are depressed by the corona virus. What do you intend to do?”

Trump: "We will treat the people with nitrous oxide!"

Reporter: "Mr. President, what are you going to do next against the Corona-Virus?"

Trump: "We are launching DEFCON 3."

Reporter: "What does this mean for the United States, Mr. President?"

Trump: "The ventilators are equipped with a coin slot."

Dieser eine in der Klasse, der irgendwie gar kein Englisch kann:

"Happy Birthday to you, no body like you. You look like an Animal, go back to the Zoo."

Kunde: "Do you have a four volt, two watt light bulb?"

Verkäufer: "For what?"

Kunde: "No, two."

Verkäufer: "To what..."

Kunde: "Yes."

Verkäufer: "No."

Kunde: "Thank you. Goodbye."

Verkäufer: "Goodbye."

A little Weihnachtsgedicht When the snow falls wunderbar, and the children happy are. When the Glatteis on the street, and we all a Glühwein need. Then you know, es ist soweit. she is here, the Weihnachtszeit.

Every Parkhaus is besetzt, weil die people fahren jetzt. All to Kaufhof, Mediamarkt, kriegen nearly Herzinfarkt. Shopping hirnverbrannte things, and the Christmasglocke rings. Mother in the kitchen bakes, Schoko-, Nuss- and Mandelkeks. Daddy in the Nebenraum, schmücks a Riesen-Weihnachtsbaum. He is hanging off the balls, then he from the Leiter falls.

Finaly the Kinderlein, to the Zimmer kommen rein. And it sings the family schauerlich: "Oh, Chistmastree!" And then jeder in the house, is packing the Geschenke aus. Mama finds unter the Tanne, eine brandnew Teflon-Pfanne. Papa gets a Schlips and Socken, everybody does frohlocken. President speaks in TV, all around is Harmonie. Bis mother in the kitchen runs, im Ofen burns the Weihnachtsgans. And so comes die Feuerwehr, with Tatü, tata daher. And they bring a long, long Schlauch, and a long, long Leiter auch. And they schrei - "Wasser marsch!", Christmas now is in the Eimer.

Merry Christmas, merry Christmas, Hear the music, see the lights, Frohe Weihnacht, Frohe Weihnacht, Merry Christmas allerseits!

Deutsch, Englisch und Niederländisch sind sehr verwandte Sprachen. Have you to house and Waterklosett or schitt you op en Emmer?

Was sollte man nicht auf einer Beerdigung singen?

"Highway to Hell!"

Roses are red, violets are gray, I say this to you because you are gay.

Chuck Norris spielte Vier gewinnt – auf einem Tic-Tac-Toe-Feld.

Ich bin dumm xD! Subscribe to pewdiepie!

Time is running out to save the world!

What do ants and British people have in common?

1. They like to queue.

2. They like crumbly stuff.

3. They have a weird kind of relationship to their queen.

Wenn mir langweilig ist, kaufe ich mir Fahrradschlösser und schließe fremde Fahrräder an. Dann setze ich mich mit 'nem Coffee To Go auf die gegenüberliegende Straßenseite und amüsiere mich 😉

I'd like to apologize to the tranwoman I migendered yeterday. The "ᅠᅠᅠ"key broke off my keyboard, cauing a "he" intead of a " he" by mitake. I know that' not an excue, and I'm orry for migendering him.

Dancing is like sex. The first time you try, you are nervous, but it"s still the best thing you"ve ever tried. The more you do it, the better it gets every time. As you do it with more people, you get to know new techniques. After a time, you"ll learn to enjoy it.

So if you love sex, you will like dancing.

Please give me a like. I hope you had a little bit fun while reading this. Thanks for enjoying it. 😍

Drinking Alcohol to become an alcoholic = 😑

Drinking Fanta to become fantastic = 😏🧠

Wie heißt der chinesische Landwirtschaftsminister?

1) Kuh Dung.

2) Ka To Fel.

Why do candles always go on the top of the cake?

Because it's hard to light them from the bottom!

Warum werden Kerzen immer oben auf den Kuchen gesteckt?

Weil es schwierig ist, sie von unten anzuzünden!