Friend: I think you should stop watching Harry Potter.
Me: Are you Sirius? What is wrong with you?
Are-Witze
Roses are red, violets are blue.
PornHub is down, you facebook will do.
Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.
Was steht auf dem Grabstein eines Gamers? „You are banned from the real-life server.“
Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are literally funerals with cake.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like a monkey, go back to the zoo! 😂
No matter how kind you are, german children are kinder.
roses are red violets are blue, both are useless go plant some wheat.
Ich: Mama, soll ich die Hauptfigur in dem Buch, das ich schreibe, töten, um die Sache interessanter zu machen?
Mama: Klar, mein Schatz! Was für ein Buch schreibst du denn?
Ich: Es ist eine Autobiografie.
Wenn deine Mudda ins Meer springt und Wale kommen, singen diese "We are Family".
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Harry: Girls are so hot.
Hermine: Boys are so hot.
Ginny: Why ist everybody so hot?
Luna: Global Warming.
Dumbledore und Snape.
Snape: "Voldemort ist dort, ich weiß es..." Dumbledore: "Bist du Sirius?" Snape: "Nein, ich bin Snape!"
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My wife is nine and I am fifty-two.
Pressekonferenz:
Reporter: "Herr Präsident, was sind die Regeln nach dem Ende der Corona-Krise?"
Trump: "Nach Corona gibt es keine Regeln mehr. Kauft eine 45 Magnum. Es wird der Wilde, Wilde Westen."
"Harry": I wanted to tell you something.
"Umbridge": Go ahead.
"Harry": Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw YOU.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, There always are Asians better than you.
USA - Corona
Reporter: "Sorry, Mr. President, we have too few masks."
Trump: "I've already called ZORRO."
Reporter: "Mr. President, what's your plan?"
Trump: "The healthy immediately go to Area 51 and all shops are closed... After 4 weeks we return and normal life continues."
Reporter: "What should people live on afterwards?"
Trump: "So, I bought AMAZON shares."
Reporter: “Mr. President, the people are depressed by the corona virus. What do you intend to do?”
Trump: "We will treat the people with nitrous oxide!"
Reporter: "Mr. President, what are you going to do next against the Corona-Virus?"
Trump: "We are launching DEFCON 3."
Reporter: "What does this mean for the United States, Mr. President?"
Trump: "The ventilators are equipped with a coin slot."
